Honoring Dad and Mom Through Forgiveness
The Fifth Commandment tells us that we are to honor our father and mother. One of the best ways we can do that as adults is to forgive them.
How do we forgive our parents of their sins against us?
If we can be reconciled, that is perhaps best. Reconciliation involves a discussion of what happened, a recognition of the offense that took place, and a request for forgiveness.
Often reconciliation is not possible for a variety of reasons. You parent may have passed on, may suffer from dementia, may be hostile, etc. You still need to forgive. If your parent is still living and able to understand you can tell them you forgive them for what took place. You may release a great burden for them even if they do not respond as you might hope. If your parent has passed on, you can still exercise forgiveness by itemizing the sin and verbally forgiving them for what they have done. In every case, you can ask the Lord to help you lay it down and not pick it up again. Sometimes you need to forgive again and again until you feel the release.
The result of honoring your father and mother through forgiveness as that you release yourself from the burden that you have been carrying, perhaps for many years. You are free.
Remember you parents were human beings. They were sinners. They needed God’s grace just as you need his grace. As we forgive our parents, it is a good time for us to consider our own children. Do we need to ask them for forgiveness?
There's a Spanish story of a father and son who had become estranged. The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an ad in a Madrid newspaper. The ad read: Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father. On Saturday 800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers. (Bits & Pieces, October 15, 1992, pp. 13.)
If they are alive, our parents need our forgiveness. Whether they are alive or dead, we need to forgive them. Sometimes the burden is lifted immediately and sometimes vestiges of our old burden return. We need not be shocked. We just need to let those feelings of unforgiveness go.